Dating can be an endless series of ups and downs that can lead to emotional imbalances, and detract from our state of Zen.

Zen is a meditative state or the attainment of enlightenment. In dating, enlightenment plays an important part in maintaining balance which is an integral part of attaining true happiness and fostering progress in a relationship.

Don’t Be Too Needy

When dating it is possible to get so emotionally attached that you leave yourself powerless in the almost-relationship. Even little acts of neediness such as precisely timed phone calls or the anxiety experienced when contact is broken for too long is an unhealthy feeling.

At times like this, stepping away for a while to focus on rediscovering yourself. The Zen practice of introspection will remove all unnecessary feelings and allow you to evaluate your dependency and to determine the way forward. You might decide that you are not ready to date.

Don’t Fight Injured

While dating, it is inevitable that differences will occur or feelings will get hurt. It is essential to your well being and the well-being of your partner that you walk away. If you fight in an injured state you will just make the injury worst. During a fight volatile emotions result in insensitive comments and remarks that not only fuel a fire but also cause emotional injuries to both parties.

In addition to not fighting injured, one should never
fight the injured.

Conflict resolution requires a tranquil state of mind that will allow for rational discussion. Observing the mind, a Zen meditative technique allows you to be aware of your stream of thought, allowing it to arise and pass away without interference.  You have let go of your hurtful thoughts. This period of introspection also starts a healing process, forgiveness starts from within.

Lose Control

Zen teaches relaxation. Sometimes we need to surrender control of situations and allow things to be as they are. The need to control every minute detail about dates or interactions puts strain on your partner and tarnishes the dating experience.

Harmony requires non-interference, existing together as one pushes us to unmask ourselves an accept people as they are rather than how we perceive them. Allowing natural harmony to take its course enhances the relationship and facilitates true meaningful interaction. Relationships cannot be force and it will occur when you let it happen – not when your fabricated dream date has completed his personality make-over.

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Great Expectations

Zen involves dropping illusion and seeing things without distortion created by your own thoughts. Many people start dating with projected expectations. Unlike control, expectations leads to dis- appointments and a worrisome demeanor when things do dot turn out as expected. Expectations cloud the mind from realizing the true possibility of a relationship.

Let Go

“Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away from your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.” – Unknown

Losing control and allowing the interaction to progress naturally might invariably lead to the realization that this relationship may not be worth pursuing, let go.
 

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A serial dater for 18 years "Single Gal" has seen it all.... the good, the bad, the ugly, and the just plain crazy. Along the way, she has learned a few things about how to navigate the tricky and often confusing world of dating and relationships. When SingleGal is not endeavoring to function as a competent dater, she enjoys sharing her entertaining and sometimes bizarre dating stories with anyone who will listen.

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