Something happened to me recently that made me stop and think deeply about values in early dating — about generosity, reciprocity, and how small moments reveal big truths.

I started seeing someone new. He was kind, interesting, and we had a great connection. Our first week of dating coincided with a religious holiday we observed, which made dining out difficult. I stepped up — happily. I planned, shopped for, and cooked several meals for him. It felt good to nurture someone. I never asked him to contribute a cent, nor did I expect it. At the time, it was simply about sharing something meaningful.

But when the holiday ended, something shifted.

He invited me out to a restaurant. A nice gesture, I thought. But once we sat down, he took control of the ordering — without asking what I wanted — and never offered me the option of getting a drink. I sipped water, biting my tongue, telling myself not to read into it.

But then came our final date. He invited me to a beach bonfire. I wasn’t in the mood, so I suggested a cozy alternative: let’s grab a cocktail at the bar downstairs. He agreed. I ordered a martini; he said he wasn’t drinking because of heartburn. Fair enough.

But what followed struck a chord I couldn’t ignore. He talked at length about his work stress, barely asking me anything. And when the bill came — just one drink — he didn’t make a move. He sat back as I paid for my own cocktail. Not a protest, not a reach. Nothing.

Now, don’t get me wrong — this wasn’t about the $20. It was about what it revealed. I had spent a week feeding him, showing up with care and effort. All I wanted was a moment of feeling treated, seen, and valued. And he couldn’t — or wouldn’t — offer that.

Some people will say I’m being too traditional. But in early dating, I believe a woman should never have to touch two things: the door and the check.

It’s not about chivalry as a performance. It’s about what the gesture represents: initiative, generosity, care. If a man can’t buy you a $20 drink after you cooked him several meals, it’s not just about money. It’s about values, energy, and balance.

The truth is, dating reveals character — not in grand romantic gestures, but in the little things. Who plans, who pays, who listens, who gives without keeping score. I knew when I paid that check that I’d never see him again. And that’s okay. We learn, we adjust, we move forward.

So here’s my advice: pay attention early. The small signs are rarely small. They’re clues — to who someone is, and what kind of relationship they’re capable of building with you.

You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for someone who gives as much as they take. And you deserve that.