He Chose a Summer in the Hamptons over LOVE!

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As fate would have it, I met a man twenty years my senior; and while I was hesitant about the extremely large age gap at first, my concerns started to melt away as I began to fall in love with his warmth, strength and kind heart. He treated me like a man should treat a woman – and I liked it and I liked him.

One of many things I liked about dating an older man was that he was past the stage of being intensely focused on his career and he was financially very stable. This meant that he had time to spend with me and money to spend on doing fun and exciting things together. He started calling me his girlfriend and asked me if there were other guys in the picture. I told him I would not be dating others because I wanted to see where this would go. He was pleased.

After three months of hanging out, going on his boat to the islands, checking out cool local events, eating at fabulous restaurants, meeting his friends, going to charity events, parties, tennis tournaments, etc. I was starting to believe that there could be a future with this man. He was kind, loving, generous, thoughtful, strong, smart, well liked, confident and I enjoyed every moment we spent together.

This man has a younger brother who is a billionaire and who lives a very glamorous life in NYC and the Hamptons; and whose inner circle includes the who’s who of the rich and powerful. Every time my beau spoke of his brother, it was obvious that he yearned to be ‘seen’ and included in his brothers jet setting life and to ‘fit in’ with his brother’s friends.

As talk turned to making plans for my beau’s upcoming birthday in April, I noticed a palpable shift in his demeanor when I suggested that we do something together. He clearly felt uncomfortable as he explained that he was thinking about going up to NY for his birthday and that I probably didn’t want to join him because his sister in law is such a hard ass. This explanation didn’t sit well with me, but I let it go.

A few days later my much older beau told me that he can see himself falling in love with me and having a future together; and then asked me what happens when he’s old and sick and I’m still young and vibrant? Would I take care of him? Would I change his bedpan? When I told him I didn’t know what the future had in store for us, and that I wanted to take one day at a time, he started to grasp onto things I had said that he could use to demonstrate that our age gap was too large and that this relationship couldn’t actually work. It was a complete 180 degree turn within the span of an hour. He went from talking about a future together  –  to this cannot work at all – and my head was spinning.

Later that day he told me that I made him feel old and that he felt uncomfortable introducing me to his friends because they assumed he was my ‘sugar daddy’. Which was so far from the truth.

He asked me if we could have dinner the next day and ‘talk’, which I interpreted as ‘the end of the line’ talk. Of course I was right, but when he finally came clean and expressed his real reasons for breaking up, I was completely flabbergasted.

He explained that he had met an older, wealthy woman who owned a home in NYC and the Hamptons (whom he had been seeing prior to meeting me). With his birthday and summer on the horizon, he wanted to spend the summer in the Hamptons with his brother/family; and the only way he could enjoy himself in the Hamptons is if he attaches himself to this woman who has the Hamptons house and knows all the right people and parties to attend. He further explained that he couldn’t lie to me or to her and thus had to break it off with me.

He acknowledged that he was using her to ‘social climb’ and that he didn’t have the same feelings for her as he did for me, but that spending the summer in the Hamptons was more important than finding love and a partner in life. (I should mention that he never married and he’s nearing 60!) He admitted that his priorities are warped and that he knows he will regret his choices later on, but nonetheless, he’s going to continue on this superficial path, use this poor woman for her house and her contacts and enjoy his summer in the Hamptons. He began to tear up and I laughed out loud because his crocodile tears were almost comical. Here he had a chance at having something real and someone to love, but in the end his desire to mingle with the ‘cool kids’ won over his heart and I got dumped in favor of spending a summer in the Hamptons.

I kid you not. This really happened.

 

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